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welcome to Lala Land

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open up the book and write down your thoughts

This is my journal! I use it to document my daily life, my art process, updated on the site, and progress of my Nostalgia Room. I hope you enjoy these personal thoughts of mine.

my-meiker-1715645163911600

Saturday 06/01/2024

I feel so weak. And I'm so tired. Mentally everything is too much.

my-meiker-1715645163911600

Friday 05/24/2024

I've made the impossible decision to leave my job. I'll be taking on a daycare job and most likely a serving position to to make ends meat.

my-meiker-1715645163911600

Tuesday 05/21/2024

I feel so sad today. I had to extend my disability, and I have to find a new job as fast as possible. This job I have makes me want to hurt myself. I need to get somewhere else, I've been wrestling this for almost a half a year. The sad part though is I work with my husband. He can handle it and likes the job but I can't stand it. And I rely on him for a lot. He's worried about me and my mental health and not being able to be there for me. He thinks that even if I switch jobs, my pattern with jobs shows that I will eventually get so frustrated and upset that I'll switch again and it'll never end. But I HAVE to switch jobs or I will hurt myself. His concern makes me doubt myself. I just want to be happy, but it seems like it will never happen in my lifetime.

my-meiker-1715645163911600

Saturday 05/18/2024

My back kinda hurts this morning. I've been doing a lot of work on the website and I sit like a shrimp when I work at the computer so my back is feeling it. Today is my last TRUE off day before I go back to work. Cause Sunday I get to be in the church all day. So today I'm going to work on this site as much as I can during this period. I just can't decide on what to work on. I think I want to work on the Toybox honestly. Sifting through old toys sounds like so much fun honestly. I can't wait to get started. I want to start with polly pockets because I know the website for polly collections already exists so there's already an organized resource. I'm hoping that people can use my site for collections for certain dolls and stuff. I need to figure out what information im going to include. I want to include picures but it will be such a pain I dunno. I'll figure it out.

my-meiker-1715645163911600

Thursday 05/16/2024

I really want to be productive today like I was yesterday. Today I've managed to clean up the most gross areas of my house and I've been working on this site all morning. I need to take a break and read or something for a bit. I'm getting a little stuck on the site and just sitting here doing nothing or just exporing through sites on neosities.

my-meiker-1715645163911600

Wednesday 05/15/2024

I'm writing this in the afternoon. I'm playing Dream Corp's Online Album. It's so frutiger aero honestly. Or maybe like a late 90's internet/game aesthetic. I didn't really get any cleaning done yesterday or today. But today I ran a lot of errends and then worked on this website most of the day. I had to go back and edit all of my pages because I wanted to add pixels and graphics to the side bar and main index. I also moved the updated scroll box to the main column in the index. It was the smart move honestly.

I'm thinking about more custom graphics for the pageLike custom Headers for the side bar and for the index at least. Though thinking about redoing all my pages again gives me anxiety so I might just make the index look more proffessional with custom pixel graphics. I used to do pixel things so I hope I can pull it off and make it look nice.

Excited about this website guys. I have grown to really hate modern social media nd crave just something like this! Somewhere I can express myself online without restrictions. And the best part is communication with others is fairly limited. A safe plae where I can keep my memories and my thoughts. Where I can document all of my favorite things. I can't wait to start working so that I can afford all the things I want to share with everyone. My shildhood is yours to marvel at! Be nostalgic with me!

my-meiker-1715645163911600

Tuesday 05/14/2024

Today is a day of cleaning and of coding. My two things I get to do today is clean my depression pit of a house and continue to work on the site. After changing the theme of the site I'm really enjoying writing for it. I want to add so many things but I can't figure it out because I'm a baby coder. I want a music player section for MIDI files, a guestbook, and a floating picture on the bottom right of the screen but I can't figure it out. Google searches do me no good and learning each component has me confused. If any one knows how to do it and you see this please message me somehow if theres a PM system on neosities. Today though I'm going to work on things that I do know to get the site up and running and worry about the other things later. I can always edit the site and add in code later. I'm mostly going to be working on the Home tab of the site. It includes most of my niche childhood memories, and is a heavy explore experience. I want people that come on the site to be able to explore the site and sift through my memories and maybe find some nostalgia themselves. I hope I can convey my childhood in a way that makes others happy too.

As far as cleaning goes I'm going to start in the main bedroom and work my way down the hallway to the bathroom. Once that's done I'll go into the kitchen and work my way to the other end of the house. I hope to get atleast a base clean by the end of the day. Meaning the house is clean but needs to be organized. I can do the organizing another day. I have that planned as well. I drew picture on procreate of how and where I want everything in organization heavy rooms like the kitchen. If I start at like noon I should be done before my husband gets home so he can come home to a clean house. I'd like that for him he works so hard.

This week is the last week of my short term disability and I'm scared to be honest. Coming back to work is scary and I don't know how else to describe the feeling. Work is hard for me mentally and the reason I had to take this disability is because I was breaking down and self harming during calls and it was not good. I finally just bit the bullet and requested this leave for a month to get my bearings. I feel like the feeling of going back to work is making me slide backwards in my progree and it's frustrating. I pray that work ends up being okay and I can relax and not freak out on the calls. Because at the end of the day it's just a job, and I can always get another.

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